Disowned in Despair

Today’s episode addresses the stigma that the older generation of Christians has allowed to permeate the body of Christ for far too long. An ideology that is not only biblically unsound but also critical and judgmental at its core. I believe that many in the body have chosen to condemn situations like the one I am addressing today to feel justified in their own sins, attempting to portray themselves as perfect by magnifying others’ imperfections. Well, the gag is, none is good but the father, and we are all flawed flesh.

This installment will come forth as both a testimony and a biblical lesson. I, through the empowering work of the Holy Spirit, will draw on both my own experience and the biblical truths found in scripture to illustrate what God has given me to share with his people regarding the topic of Despair. A term that is widely defined as a complete loss of hope, a deep, dark feeling that situations and circumstances are immensely wrong and cannot or will not be improved. Despair is typically a temporary emotional state, and not a permanent condition. Although it feels overwhelming and never-ending, to feel hopeless and to be hopeless are not synonymous. Your state of feeling does not have to command your state of being. Feelings do not actually dictate reality, only our perception of it.

Key Scriptures: Psalm 22:1, Psalm 42:5 & 43:5, Psalm 88, 1 Kings 19, 1 Samuel 1:7-16, Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 15:34, 2 Corinthians 1:8-9

Reference Scriptures: Psalm 34:18, Matthew 16:24, Mark 9:24, 2 Corinthians 4:7-8, 2 Corinthians 12:7

The truth of the matter is that there is plenty of evidence in scripture alone to support the reality that encountering despair, depression, or a state of feeling downtrodden does not disqualify you from being God’s child. Many of God’s strongest soldiers and most faithful children experienced moments of weakened hope. Yet and still, I would like to highlight the testimony that led to my zeal to write this piece.

As a born-again believer, clinically diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Pre-Menstrual Depressive Disorder, Childhood PTSD, and such. Also, having been reared by the 20th-century saints and raised in church from my youth, my personal criticisms and self-judgments were often louder than anything anyone else could have to say. It is spiritual maturity, renewing of the mind, and God’s helping my unbelief ***(Mark 9:24) that has guided me out of the trenches of self-doubt, but how did I get there in the first place? Again, I was raised in the faith since a jit, a preacher’s kid, continually taught of God’s love and mercy, reminded of his sacrifice, and seeing and experiencing his signs and wonders for myself.  What reason could I possibly have had for any kind of doubt?

Well, here’s where Church folk enter the chat. Mind you, I did not say Christians, what I said was Church folk, and although they should be, unfortunately, they are not always one and the same.

I was talking to my mom one afternoon as she began to question why a special sister in Christ that she loved, respected, and had known longer than I’ve been alive did not seem to trust her with her low moments. As someone with a background in the mental health field, as well as one who walks in a strong gift of discernment, there are some things that my mom could just pick up on that would elude the average Joe. One of those things is mental health struggles of any kind. And although this certain sister had no problem sharing her highest and happiest moments, there was an isolation that would occur when times weren’t too bright. I’m not talking about times of grief or obvious turmoil, but times of immense, sometimes unprovoked mental anguish. As my mom presented me with this perplexing occurrence that obviously burdened her spirit, I was led to respond in a spiritually astute way. I encouraged her that this was not personal on her sister’s behalf, but rather instinctual, based on the era of the church age in which she was molded. An era that called for emotional perfection amongst the saints, an era in which if you experienced anything outside of the joy of the lord or his peace that surpassed understanding, or even if you suffered afflictions, sickness, grief, or any kind of sorrow, you were deemed unworthy of being called a child of God. You were treated as one who had been disowned by God. This era of the church is one I would like to coin as the Jobs friend’s era. A time in which any amount of suffering was equated to sin, and any level of despair regarded as blasphemy. And oh, how far is that from the truth?! While I both acknowledge and agree with the biblical truths that we have Joy with Jesus, there is Hope in Christ, and he is Light in darkness. The myth that experiencing despair no longer qualifies you to be his, must be exposed, debunked, and demolished. My mom immediately understood and began to empathize with her sister.

Now it is with this understanding of how the generation before me was molded to believe, and my aligning them with Job’s friends, that allows clarity into my earlier statement, regarding these “saints” as Church folk instead of Christ followers. It is their legalistic ideology that causes one to perceive them more in the category of Pharisee than disciple. This mindset of human perfection, void of the need for heavenly grace, is what makes room for a young believer to fall into self-doubt and condemnation over circumstances that could have simply been sent to stretch faith, increase dependence on God, or serve as a humbling thorn (2 Corinthians 12:7).

Here’s the reality: despair, distress, deep sorrow, and discouragement can afflict any person in any season. Life gets weighty, burdens heavy, and hearts weary. Oftentimes, life just be lifeing. This involves setbacks, traumatic events, losses (personal & financial), mental health struggles such as depression, anxiety, chemical imbalances, and, of course, stress. Whether it’s your environment or just circumstances completely out of your control, stressful situations have a way of finding us all. “We are spirit beings in a fleshly casing, walking through a very human experience.” What makes despair sinful or shameful is the accompanying choice to abandon faith in God. Psalm 88 must be the most vivid description I’ve ever heard of a valley of the shadow of death, as mentioned in Psalm 23. However, as gloomy, depressing, and downtrodden as it sounds, it still begins the 1st verse with an outcry to the true and living God. Outside of this, the purpose of this text would elude me. It is for that reason I feel this chapter was simply placed in the book of Psalms to validate the experience of deep, dark depression, whilst showing that even in absolute despair, one can still cry out to God. It is possible to get beaten down in life and still trust in the one who can pick you up. As I like to say, two things can be true at once, but don’t take my word for it, there’s Bible all day!

Find me in 1 King 19, Elijah’s suicidal despair in the wilderness; or lets go on over to Job 3, Job’s longing for death after immense loss, we cannot forget the book of Psalms, David’s intense emotional agony, referenced in Psalm 42:5 & Psalm 43:5, or the very popular prophetic verse spoken in Psalm 22:1; then there is also 1 Samuel 1:7-16, Hannah’s bitter weeping, we have Paul’s Despair of life, in 2 Corinthians 1:8, and last but certainly not least, we mustn’t forget about  Jesus’ overwhelming sorrow in Gethsemane, In Matthew 26:36-46, or on the cross in Mark 15:34. The thing that all these Bible lessons have in common is that the Person of emphasis is in distress. Yet, another commonality is the one to which they all cry out and rely upon. They understand the profound truth that we are not disowned in despair; rather, it is in the moments in which our spirit is crushed that God draws near. (Psalm 34:18). Let’s be honest, if we’re all taking up our own individual crosses daily to follow Christ (Matthew 16:24), that daily death will not always occur void of anguish. An unwillingness to understand and empathize with despair is typically an ignorance of the understanding of grace. One who misunderstands or dismisses the importance of grace cannot fully comprehend the purpose of Christ’s coming. A full appreciation of the gifts of grace, joy, peace, hope, and such like comes with acknowledging the reality that to be a recipient of the gifts of Christ, this means that at some point, we did not possess what he gave us. It is in that revelation that we embrace having grace for others, who are also simply desiring to be recipients of a gift from God while in a place of despair.

 As human beings, we are open to experiencing many emotions, sometimes even unwillingly. However, with the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit, we are not permanently bound to these emotional encounters and should therefore seek rapid recovery through the hope we maintain in Christ Jesus. Paul said it best: we are meant to rely on God, not ourselves (2 Corinthians 1:9), for it is by the excellence of God that we overcome despair (2 Corinthians 4:7-8). Despair is not a shameful state from which we run from God and Godly Community. On the contrary, it is in these moments that God’s glory can be made known even more. I’d like to revisit a scripture referenced earlier, ***Mark 9:24 – A powerful bible verse where a boy’s father cries out to Jesus, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" This desperate plea highlights the coexistence of faith and doubt, illustrating that even weak or trembling faith is sufficient when brought to Christ.